Anon, I mean this with love, because this frustration is real and the hypocrisy happens and it sucks: You are idealizing the shit out of the second wave and men, and demonizing the fuck out of women in the same old ways.
Yeah, there are a lot of women who like youtubers and makeup and have no hobbies. Do you really not know as many men who are into, idk, streamers, porn, and nothing else? Like, I get it, I'm really into astronomy and I'm tired of going to clubs where I'm the only woman. But shit, part of feminism--a KEYSTONE PART--is interrogating my urge to respond to that man-filled room with WHY ARE WOMEN SO SHIT, b/c guess what: just because that instinct is loud doesn't mean it's right. I'd hit your criteria for being a worthy woman, and I can be just as judgmental and angry. I get why. I'm not a total idiot for it, and neither are you. But I've also thrown my hands up at other times in my life and been like "ahha uhh I can't do math!!" and seen other women roll their eyes b/c I was fucking terrified of being bad at math in front of people. If you've never had a moment like that, understand that you are lucky, and that this doesn't make you untainted by bullshit. You have to have some fucking compassion. Women are all poisoned from birth, and we mutate in different ways to handle that, and yeah, some women are hand-fluttery girly-girls who yell when you intimate their nigel is not all that great, actually. You don't have to like her. But you need to think harder about why you hate her so deeply and why that hate makes you spring to the "I'D RATHER HANG WITH SCROTES" place, b/c I promise you men are just as boring and twice and dangerous.
The second wave was fucking incredible. It also had all this shit. Look up "trashing." Look up "Magic Mommas and Trembling Sisters." Betty Friedan was awful to lesbians. Olivia Records let in an AGP. Little later than the 2nd wave, but Dykes to Watch Out For is a wonderful comic, and yeah, it has a dumb part towards the end where Bechdel added "genderqueer" and trans kid characters. Gloria Steinem did some great shit that mattered, but she was also absolutely trading off being The Hot One Who Likes Boys. Nothing has changed. Nothing is perfect, every movement, and most people within it, is a mosiac of goodness and shittiness and stupidity and brilliance. And there is comfort in that. You're not as alone as you feel. But you're also not as special and intelligent as you feel. If your feminism crumbles into "a bunch of idiots who uphold stereotypes and probably overreact to "harassment"" then you're being just as lazy and shallow as the women you decry. They have grown up in a world that has made them hyper-aware of being ugly, unfuckable, and probably too dumb to try things, and scared of failing visibly. The point of feminism is recognizing that. It sure as hell isn't to make you feel superior for your taste in hobbies and resistance to certain brands of sexism. It's easier for some women not to care about this shit, and let the crap roll off their back and hold tight to their interest in STEM or w/e. We're lucky. But we're not better, more worthy, or enormously special. Do the work of compassion, which is not a fragile, stupid emotion but hard fucking labor, and of learning that you don't have to like every woman to be a feminist. That's not the point. The point is to build a world where we can be fuller, freer people, and it's messy and irritating and tiring and you won't like everyone, and we all bear the scars of this shit world's shaping. For some, that's makeup and youtube. For us, it's an itchy I'M THE ONLY GOOD WOMAN ALL THE REST ARE STUPID trigger finger. They both suck.